I think I died a long time ago.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
