No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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