are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
