I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it hurts more in the daytime
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
