he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
