i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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