I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
