It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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