Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
