Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Umm I'm too high to move.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize