i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
