I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
