3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
