She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
