I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
