i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
