So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize