Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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