She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
