I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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