My friends, they love my intelligence
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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