she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
