We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize