i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
