Can Purell be used as lube?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
