"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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