So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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