my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
