You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize