did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
