i think my tv is drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there is glitter all over my balls
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