i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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