I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
