He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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