I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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