You made me cry and you don't even care
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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