Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
