I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
