Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
