Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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