My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I understand Curling. That high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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