No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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