forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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