No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
