I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
