I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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