Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
