Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
