he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
