Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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