pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she woke up with a sticky ear
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
