This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
