if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
