I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
