if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
