i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the day after is always just damage control
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize