I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
