theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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