Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
