I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize