I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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