I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
