Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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