i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
