i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
