Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
