i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
